!Sunday, August 06, 2006
i thought it was possible.
i thought i could juggle everything.
family.friends.boyfriend.academics.activities.myself.
im so wrong.
i overstimate myself.
too badly. too much.
*
clara just told me ive done d wrong desert essay. it's nice of her to tell me d mistake..but..yucks. ive to do another essay. which just sucks. and im going out later. plus im using d comp now with no intention to move.so no hoorays to d added work.
weekends are almost ending and ive just welcomed it with open arms. damn. my life is so pathetic yearning and yearning for the weekends to come each week. i feel as if i really couldn't take another school day.
the worse it gets. the worse it gets. (isn't roy getting to all of us?)
so friday,after lit make up, me and manday and issac went to cut our hair instead. cus nessa had a movie to catch and we weren't in time to go tcc-ing,sadly. and latas tingxi, ivan and their art friend met up with us. and we rotted, chatted and treated ourselevs to nice pastries,pies,cakes and whatnots at cedele at frankel avenue. it's a really nice place with pretty bakeries and cosy places (like cedele) to spend a cosy evening with friends. and latas i parted with them to meet rand to specially deliver to him very yummy banana walnut cake.
anws. a degression. i was at d bustop when these two boys were contemplating on getting my number. im not being al-mighty here thinking im very fine and stuff. but i am d only person at d bus-stop. and they reprimanded each other in mandarin for not approaching me when i went up d bus. the main point is, im insulted can. they are secondary school boys. and i mus be at least 3 years older than them. enough to be their jiejie. arghs. tell me i am more mature then it seems please.
*
the two of us were jus walking and talking. two very simple actions. he was nudging me cus he wanted to show me smth. a very very simple action. and then she, behind us, went " you two should just get a room". i hope she's not being serious..cus that comment is quite bad. i don't know why we give people the idea that we're very close. im really closer to my girlfriends.
*
i don't know why things are turning out this way. why mus we be in disagreement every week? i don't know how to make you understand or explain it to you. i karn emphasize enough that i do care. and care alot. there are many many many things i want to tell you, ask you. but i know your temperamental behaviours won't allow it. sometimes, i don't know how to say stuffs cus i don't know how u'll react. im very very afraid cus your mood swings faster then a pendulum.so i keep things to myself. as much as i would like to share them wih you. and then i was told i should never keep anything to myself. but what am i to do when you get upset over things i say? and overtime, things just get shut in. i don't know why and i don't know how. but im learning to open myself up again. im trying. sometimes, you leave me so helpless, i don't know what to do, who to turn to. i thought you'll know, i thought you'll understand. but im just too complacent it seems. baby, you don't know how much i care. believe me please.
*
i think im going to collapse anytime. just take all away, everything.
and if i fall, would someone catch me?
i want you in my arms ;
- 4:30 PM
