everyone's been asking me abt uni. and people have been telling me all sorts of things. so confused.

similar to yj, im torn. between-

PAY: ntu's mass comm
PASSION: nus's fass
CONVENIENCE: smu's social sciences

to quote raymond : ' be more decisive leh. you don't have much time left'

hais. i dont even know what i really want anymore.
suddenly im so afraid..cus im so afraid of making the wrong choice. again. and this kind of mistakes, are not for me to learn from them. but i'd be forced to live with them..


*


today, in the morning rush hour, when i had nothing to hold on to, i nearly had a fall. but this guy used his feet to support me from behind so that i stepped on his looks-really-expensive-leather-boots instead of falling. when i looked up to say sorry, he gave me a everything-is-ok and today-is-going-to-be-such-a-fine-day smile. ohmanns. smrt should let such ppl travel for free and infused the trains with people like that, instead of disgusting old men. bleahhs.hehs.


*

sj, heys, ive been wanting to tell you..but..i don't really know how to say it..which is why i karn really tell you personally, properly, in words..
im really glad u're getting teeny weeny bit better. cus if you get a teeny weeny bit better everyday, hopefully you're be the sj that i'd know again, pretty soon ( though you still continue to make fun of me :pP). i got so sad when you came to me saying you hate life..cus ive never seen you so soft before..and i can just feel your pain. reallyreally. cus i was just like you, not long ago.. maybe im not good at comforting you..i don't know if i helped at all. but i seriously meant it when i say: she not worth it. reallyreally. and please not get upset over her anymore kes? cus you and i both know, time will make it better. and i'll be here to throw stones or lava or whatever you want, if you need to, kes? -loves-


*


happy birthday daddy. i love you~ thankyou for being my pillar of support for years and years. you're always there to support my decisions. wrong or right, smart or plain dumb, impossible or realistic.for waking up years and years at 6am just to fetch me to school. i know you show your love and concern in different ways but im so glad to have you. : )

i want you in my arms ;
- 12:05 AM

wahhs. im frigging angry that im abt. to explode lahhs.

it was raining early in the morn and i missed the train and had to wait 7mins. so when the train comes..it was super crowded. and this old man had to squeeze in behind me. wahhs. he used his whole body to lean against me although there's space in front of him and in front of him were all guys. i could feel his whole body's weight on me lahs. yuckks. he squashed me to the other side so that ive no space to move and when i finally managed to turn myself away from him so that only my side faces him, he intentionally put his hands on my lower back! yucckkks. i kept elbowing him and was friggin pissed. i could have slapped him if not for d fact that there were so many people. damn him. such old men is really..arghs. downright disgusting. i feel that i need to go home and change out of my clothes.


it's not the first time already can. last time, on my way to cchms, on a crowded bus, this old man also kept touching me and outrightly kept putting his arms over my shoulders. and he dared to continue putting it there no matter how many times i shoved it off. and the passengers around did nothing! that was so bad that i cried.


and another time, near my housing estate, someone came and openly lifted my school skirt. i was so angry i chased him around the estate but lost him cus i was standing there in shocked at first.


arghs. disgusting. disgusting. so friggin angry.

i want you in my arms ;
- 8:57 AM

it's always my fault huhs. always will be. im sick and tired of it. sick of being so loseur-ish. and once i cry, i knew ive lost.again. friggin stupid.arghs.

*

dance was damn therapeutic. i needed it.so badly.

i want you in my arms ;
- 10:07 PM

mummy's serketly happy with the bag i bought for her. she's been wanting a white bag since forevas. and my white bag was spoilt by some mystery person.

*

everyone's overseas.

bored.
daddy is overseas.
aunt who works with me is overseas. (cus i told her abt d 60bucks singaporeairtickets)

yayness.
boss is going overseas.
big boss is going overseas.

wahhs. looking at everyone's holidays' pictures makes me wana go travel alotalot.
feel like going japan in july.budden it would be summer. and i needa see the autumn leaves lahs.

i want you in my arms ;
- 8:45 AM

monday blues. already.
i dread going to work. so much.so much.

*

i feel so so dumb. and i dont know how i can help myself.

*

elks stole my heart, waking me up at 12am-ish and we chatted like some auntehs. loveyatobits babe : )

*

i need an outlet.badly.but i can never put it into words.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:49 PM

all wrong.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:53 PM

i heard this very sweet story on the radio the other day and it has been on my mind ever since.

a couple was about to get married, standing on the aisle, both young and good-looking, awaiting to say their marriage vows.

the priest, surprisingly, instead, took out a 100 dollar bill. and he asked " would anyone in the audience like to have this bill as his own?"

nobody dared to raise his hands.

and so he said " don't be shy. please be truthful"

and a few dozens hands went up.

then the priest crushed the bil with his hands and asked again " would anyone still like to have the bill?"

this time, only abt a dozen hands went up.

then, shockingly, the priest left the bill on the ground and started stamping his feet on it. and asked again " would anyone still like to have the bill?"

this time only a few hands went up.

the priest pointed out one guy whose hand went up on all three occassions.

he solemnly said " this man is praise-worthy as he knows that the value of the bill would never change, no matter how crushed or dirtied it might be. a 100 dollar bill would be a 100 dollar bill" and then he turned to the grooom " similarly, your wife would always be your wife. the lady whom you've chosen and promised to love, no matter how old she might become years down the road. she'd always be the one you made your promises to"


*

and i thought, how sweet. it's true how often we'd forget the value of things(or people) once we have them. and not treasure them enough. sometimes, we take too much for granted. It's one of those little notes in life that we know, but tend to forget.
little but important note.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:22 PM

goit from yijooonns. karn believe it. wild cat. haas.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

i want you in my arms ;
- 7:11 PM

am very lost.

this is so not me. i always thought i knew what i wanted. i was the eldest child and was brought up to be independent. i always made d decisions. sometimes, i do make the wrong ones. only that now, ive no idea what to decide on.

i dont know if i should go to this course just cus it's competitive and i had a worrying time wondering if i passed d interview, or go into this uni cus everyone is urging me to go, saying that it's career-wise choice or into this other uni cus it simply allows me to take d subjects i like.

i karn bear to even think. cus this wrong step. another wrong step. and i may regret it for the next three, four years and maybe down my whole career path.

*

i hate my office. there are not many things i hate in this world. but i really hate my office. cus it's scary. it's bitchily scary. hypocritically scary. i detest it. but ive bills to pay, lessons to go for, my family to think about. i can't afford to suddenly go penniless because i decide throw in the towel and scream 'i quit'. because things aren't that easy anymore.

so this colleague has been trying to be difficult with me. not telling me things that d boss told her to tell me so that it becomes my fault when things are not done. keeping original copies of documents so that ive to give the boss d faxed copies and being told off later when she gave d boss d originals. and d office is really a bitchy place. this person dont like this person, that person don't like that person. so much so that i don't know who to trust anymore. and im being told 'never to trust anyone. never trust the suppliers' while i used to believe ' trust a person until he makes you lose the trust you have in him'. i hate working in that kind of environment. i feel very stifled. you understand? i feel like every step i take, i may unknowingly step onto a landmine. cus everything i do, is never right. i feel like it's making me lose my beliefs, making me cynical.

*

and the last thing i need when i reach home is to enter a warzone. let her be if she doesnt wana study. does shooting words at one another help? does it make her understand, does it make d home a happier place? does it?

*

you know, a mutual friend once told me you're the kind that will vent ur anger on others while i will jus vent d anger on myself. these few days, ive found your ever-changing moods increasingly difficult to accept. and it doesnt help that everyone keeps asking me to take care of you. it's like im responsible for you. you know i do care for u alot, as a fren, just like you do care for me. so much so that we lament sometimes that we're like lesbians and you laugh about how much i sound like your boyfriend. but i jus don't like it when they KEEP asking me to take care of you. because even if i they don't tell me to, i will. and you know i hate it when people tells me what to do. and i dont know how when at work, someone has just been really horrid to me and i just feel like exploding and im being told to take care of you at the same time, onmsn. because maybe i may look 10 times stronger, but i maybe deep inside i need a wonderwall after all? and i karn pour my troubles to you like i used to because things have changed. i tried telling you that but you just passed it off with 'siao' .and you have your troubles to trouble over. i tried to help you but you feel that i dont understand. maybe i really karn see it the way you do. i dont know how. and today, you dont know how hurt i was can. i think you didn't realize.


*

if i didnt hear wrong, you said 'hello love' over d phone d other day. im not your love anymore you getit? and you've shown me how easy it is to forget about about me. i don't care how you speak to other girls. you cant call me your love. just not me okies?

*

a person is making me very stressed and i don't know who to tell him. ahhs.


*

clara jus told me recently that she wished she'd have half of d happiness in me. and jake told me how seeing me gives a postive spin to his day. and james told me how i always look very happy. i wonder what makes them think im so happy. if i look so happy, i supposedly have d ability to make myself happy? can i have the ability now? please?

*

im feeling friggin ugly

i want you in my arms ;
- 7:52 AM