i have so many things to say.. i duno where to start.

(1) i karn stand myself for being such a stupid idiot. for taking the wrong step. for making the wrong decision. again.

(2) i hate the questioning stares of people. and i am not a 'school dropout.'

(3) i hate my current floating status. smu don't approve d leave of absence, so if i want a transfer, i have to take the shittes exams in smu knowing that i karn transfer credits for those smu mods. then again, i don't mind entering next academic year, so should i withdraw now and find work? i don't even know if i should enter next academic year cus apparently i've missed quite alot of things..budden i dunwana be laggings another sem.omgs

(4) i've to settle the tfl, the bank side, smu side, nus side. omgsomgs. and i am determined to pay d 4000 over bucks back to my daddy. cus it is my own wrong decision. my own. arghs. why is smu fees so friggin expensive.

(5) there are ALOT of reasons for me wanting leave smu. it's not all that shallow. trust me. i tried very hard. very very hard to try to love the school. i will devote an entire post to why i wana leave smu even. im tired of explaining. i karn stand it when ppl think it's all because of the stress and that i karn adapt. it's not. and it's definitely not d main point. i dislike the system. dislike how a large proportion of our grades are left to chance. dislike being forced to do d many core mods that ive no interest in. dislike not being able to do what i like. dislike looking at ppl fighting to speak just for d sake of class participation..dislike..and really, one have to experience it yourself to understand. im sick of hearing hurtful sweeping remarks.

(6) im actually envious of my frens taking the exams now. im going through d roller coaster, all d trouble.. just to start all over again, knowing fully well i could have been there in d first place.

(7) ive too many people to answer to. and it's not even their education. it's mine.

(8) i don't even know which step to take now.

still, i love my frens. for all d support..reallyreally. all d best for d exams. and i miss u all loads :(

where are u when i needed you..so badly? you promised to be there..but you were never.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:04 PM

im scared.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:59 PM

it is 6.53am. ive been up all night. and 242 more words to my last term paper.

ive no idea why im doing this. or maybe i know. that this school office staff was mean and refused our leave of absence. that she dared chuckled into our faces with an evil grin " it means our marketing is successful, and you haven't done enough research." marketing- to bring out the good and hide the bad. the fluff. for ignorant oblivious me. so we have to do the yucky stuffs knowing fully well we'll eventually have no credits for them. like prise said " everything could be solved if we could just throw in the withdrawal form." yet we still have to do them.

okies. my brain isn't working very well. it isn't supposed to when it has been thinking politics. then again, my politics essay is turning into a gp essay. in fact, it doesn't sound political at all. ohwells.

i want you in my arms ;
- 6:48 AM

i feel like bitching. but i shall not.

it jus feels horrid to be lied to and being made to feel used by your close friends. it hurts.

i want you in my arms ;
- 11:16 AM